New Frontiers for the Digital DMV

Americans, as a general rule, would rather wrestle a switch-blade-wielding octopus than deal with the DMV. The organization is bloated with paperwork and regulations, and while most of us are convinced that at least some part of this is necessary it’s hard to imagine a less efficient system at work.

Recently the DMV has become aware of the perception that it is a giant time funnel, and many states now offer basic services online to ease congestion and improve timeliness. This is a great idea, but as always, the execution needs some work.

Let’s say I need to obtain my driving record for some reason. In Virginia, the DMV website offers a wide array of tools, including one which will tell you the current wait time at any DMV in the state. Useful. The office near my house was sitting pretty at 87 minutes, so I decided to try to download the record online instead.

It took maybe five minutes to find the appropriate area of the site, at which point I was prompted to enter my customer code, birthday, and PIN. A helpful hyperlink explained that the customer code is on my driver’s license (as was my birthday, in case I had forgotten), but the PIN required an application.

There are three ways to obtain a PIN:

1) Apply in person at the DMV (isn’t that what I’m trying to avoid?)
2) Apply for it to be sent via mail or email (both ways take up to THREE DAYS)
3) Call the listed number on the site and have it read to you.

Clearly, option 3 is the way to go.

By this time, I’m getting pretty excited. Virginia, at least, has figured out how to make getting information from the DMV fast, cheap, and easy while remaining reasonably secure. If they could drop about 71 hours from their email turnaround time I’d have no complaints at all.

So my plan is to just call the number and have the computer tell me my PIN, so I can tell the other computer my PIN, so I can get the thing to display my driving record for printing.

I eagerly call the number and, as expected, I’m greeted by an electronic voice.

“Please wait for the next available agent. The average holding time is currently 87 minutes”.

Go for the Ball

Sports are all about the competition – not who’s faster/stronger/more agile, but who can channel their energy toward a specific, useful purpose best. I prefer sports with strategic or tactical components, games where there is almost never only one real solution to a given problem. Do I chip the ball over the defender, wall-pass around, or juke him? Situational awareness in high-stress, high-adrenaline environments is a skill worth developing.

Sports also provide an outlet for all of life’s energy. While exerting yourself is certainly a benefit, you also get a chance to practice dealing with negative energy when you make mistakes. How you channel this speaks volumes – do you shout and swear (FOUL! That was a foul!), do you frown and furrow your brow (Crap – I always do that!), or do you just laugh out loud and shake your head with a smile (Ah well…next time!)?

In soccer there are situations called 50/50 balls where it’s unclear which of several players on opposite teams will win a loose ball, which bobbles around as players jump and jostle and fight for control, until eventually possession is gained/lost. A casual observer might suppose this is more or less the result of luck peppered with a dash of skill, but there’s less chance involved than it seems.

50/50 balls nearly always go to the player who wants it more. That player will run a little faster, jump a little higher, shove a little harder, and eventually they will win possession.

Life is full of 50/50 balls just waiting for us to control – you just have to put in the effort.

Lifting: More Weights, Fewer Pizzas

Next time you’re in a gym, take a look around you. There’s a good chance you’ll be surrounded by mirrors on four sides, reflecting images of yourself (and that cute girl working out behind you) at a variety of angles . These are designed to make you either 1) bask in your pumped-up, flexible, toned glory or 2) fuel your self-loathing rage enough to garner an additional rep.

I’m convinced that every male in the gym sees #1 in the mirrors and that every female sees #2. No matter how fat or repulsive a guy is, in that gym floor mirror he’s able to convince himself that he’s a valuable piece of real estate. “This isn’t so bad,” he’ll think, sucking in his bulbous gut as bright florescent light glitters from his sweaty, balding scalp. “I’ve still got it.”

Meanwhile a slim and attractive 20-something is running on the treadmill, as she has for the last 30 minutes, furiously attempting to outrun the image staring her in the face. “Look at all that FAT,” she’ll think, completely oblivious to the three guys running on treadmills next to her that keep falling down due to distraction. She’ll finish up and smile at a guy as she walks to the water fountain, but the guy will nervously turn away. “I’d better throw in some situps,” she’ll conclude. “These guys don’t even want to make eye contact with me.”

Live Your Own Graduate School

Graduation day. Finally, 4 years of hard work have paid off and it’s time to go out into the world to live your dream!

A few interviews later, dejected and somewhat ambivalent about the whole job-finding process, you start to ponder grad school. “It’s college,” you’ll think. “College was fun.” And you’ll be wrong, because college wasn’t fun – the college experience was, and that’s not what grad school is selling.

So you enroll in a graduate program and fritter away the summer at a random job waiting for classes to start again and life to go back to it’s familiar academic routine. It won’t be until much later, agonizing over essays dozens of pages long on subjects only remotely related to your graduate degree, that you’ll realize the awful truth: undergrad is over. It only happens once, and you can’t get it back.

Allow me to propose an alternative solution.

Unless you have a precise plan that absolutely requires an advanced degree, bide your time and grab some real life experience. It’ll be a nice change of pace after school, and more importantly, you’ll have more time for the things in life that really matter. You’ll be glad you did.